Even better than the drink itself is the story behind Atholl Brose, a traditional Scots Whiskey mix acclaimed in connosuer's circles as a "charming, insolent, ass-kicking brew. hic."

Atholl Brose, famous Scots general and all around badass superspy, was hieing himself the hell out of a losing fight. His longtime enemy ... um ... Sebastian Cabot, I'm gonna say ... is chasing him and his army all the way back to Brose's home. And you can bet they were making fun of his name, too.

Brose gets back to his homestead, and has his men start unloading all his supplies of oatmeal, whiskey, honey and cream, mixing em into bags, and dropping them into the well outside his door. I would've too. Then alla Brose's men go hide.

The pursuing general stops his army, ransacks the place, doesn't find anything. Near evening, one of his plucky looters discovers the stash in the well. "Par-tay," they yell, in thick Scottish Brogues so that it sounds more like "Hoot!" They drink the sweet, creamy brew, and fall down dead gaddam drunk. I bet they were Irish.

Anyway, after they all fall down drunk asleep, Atholl Brose sneaks his men out of the hills and slit the throats of every enemy soldier. Cheers! Enjoy this sweet, creamy brew...

While you can.

• 1 cup oatmeal (which'll make two cups boiled oatmeal)

• 32 oz. Scotch Whiskey (I'll never say this again, BUT ... you CAN use cheap ass storebought brands. The whiskey only provides a bit of the flavor here. Save the good stuff to stand on its own)

• 6 oz. Honey. Mmmmm Honey. You lose no points for buying it in those cute gaddam little bear shaped squeeze bottles.

• Half cup of heavy cream. I always forget the cream, and it doesn't turn out too bad. Either way.

Right, boil the oatmeal. Make oatmeal. I don't know how to give you instructions on this. Just make a big damn pot of oatmeal, like yo mama used to do for you. While it's still hot, mix in the honey and cream and stir, stir, stir.

Youre gonna pour/pack your oatmeal into a strainer (I use a handheld strainer packed with cheesecloth), and pour the whiskey thru the sodden mix. On a personal level, I'll take the strained result and put it thru the strainer AGAIN, and maybe a third time if I'm feeling fancy. The end result is a milky, tan brew ... bits of oatmeal floating in it are fine ... well, I think it's fine, but some tight-assed Sassenuch get all apeshit if it isn't a milky-creamed broth. Fuck them. Drink bits of oat right in your alcohol.