The Life Story of the Bad Mother: Chapter One: Drinking

Relaxing at a cheesy bar named "Razzles" in Florida. I was 13 at the time and spending my nights with a motorcycle mama in Daytona for bike week. The bar was mostly weightlifters and ex-marine type. I nervously rattled the ice and Jack Daniels in a swirling motion against the rocks glass, looking around to see who would be my latest victim of a pilfered money clip. I surveyed the crowd and tried to determine which one of the lowlife steroid monsters had a wad of cash. My mind drifted off for a second until the shadow of a large no necked freak clouded my peripheral vision. I turned just as his fist glanced off my chin.

"You want a piece of my woman little man! Fucking little twerp I ought to break your fucking neck!"

He had knocked me off the barstool and onto the floor although not a drop of whiskey was spilled. I glanced up at the towering piece of meat with the sort of look a farmer gives a chicken just before he snaps it's neck and readies it for slaughter. The first punch landed on the inside of his right knee. The pop of the knee cap dislocating echoed through the bar as my elbow followed through with a punishing smack that shattered any resemblance of what used to be a fully functioning knee. The giant had crumpled to the floor in agony and I was just getting started. I grabbed his throat and punched his nose, as the room grew thick with the sound of popping cartilage. Blood flowed freely from his face and knee. As I rose from the badly beaten man I rummaged through his pockets for money. I grabbed the glass and in one gulp finished the whiskey and threw it on a pool table as I walked out. No one messes with Bad Mother Fucker twice.

Being born in a German hospital has it's advantages. All the nurses were beautiful German women with big breasts and long shapely legs. The head nurse had taken a liking to me and declared that I would be one Bad Mother Fucker when I grew up. Her husband had been a master thief who was recently killed during a botched robbery attempt at a prominent Swiss bank. She took care of me like I was her own, hell maybe I was since I moved out really early I have no recollection of mom or pops. Anyway she had given me a Lock Pic set as a present. For longer than I can remember I had that set and a clean diaper and not much else. I had to use it that once when SuperBad finally got arrested, but that is another story. This story is all about Bad Mother Fucker.

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Chapter Two: Drinking Still

They say if you carry a money clip than you don't need to carry a wallet. I say FUCK all that shit! Bad Mother Fucker carries both. You might ask why, well Bad Mother Fucker just happens to be in the mood to tell you why. This is my wallet. You might think that you saw that wallet in the movie Pulp Fiction. You would be right, but since I am the only Bad Mother Fucker than the only wallet that says that would be mine also. I don't go around with large amounts of green in my wallet though, hell that's what the money clip is for. I use that wallet for condoms.

The Bad Mother Fucker goes through women like he goes through jack Daniels and that appetite is voracious. It just seems appropriate to use a condom when your doing the deed that many times. It is also fun to see the look on a woman's face as your deep inside them and you explain that you are wearing a condom because  you are not comfortable with going skin to skin with a fat ugly bitch like her. She starts moving and really putting up a fuss and it is quite the task to hang on while still staying inside her. Although if you do it will be the most pleasurable fuck you will ever have. Just make sure she has no more fight left in her when you finally pull out or you might get yourself killed. It is also equisite timing to release the truth that your also fucking her sister or in the case of the Bad Mother her 18 year old daughter. Once again you grab those big sacks of fat and hang on for the ride of your life..

Bad Mother Fucker isn't all drinking and fucking. Hell, most of the time I am drunk or fucking some big titted bitch. Hmm, maybe it is all about drinking and fucking. There was that one time when I visited the Jack Daniels distillery and challenged that I could drink a double shot of each variety of whiskey they had available. 4 hours later and 60 shots had me in the back puking my guts out while fucking the head distillers daughter.

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